I wanted to leave immediately, but then we decided that we would have one more round of poker. I was sure that I would win this round, so I was getting my mind into it, mending one strategy after another, waiting for the next person who would say they were kadi alafu akule zake tano. The game was intriguing; nobody dared even sip a pint of water. We were all eyes until we got a knock on the door.

She was a pretty lady, probably in her mid-twenties, and she wore a dress top. She said, “Ni stima zimeenda huku ama? I was wondering, “Niaje kwetu kumezima tu.” We all shifted our attention to her, then she continued, “Oh, I’m Lorna. I’m sorry for disrupting you. I was over at my son’s friend’s house; they have a birthday party.”

Read more: I just needed someone to pay some attention

As she continued to talk, I realized that Lorna was very drunk. She went on to tell us that she had partied every day from December until that day. At this moment, I wanted to get done with her and help her charge her phone so that we could go back to our game. My cards were very tightly clenched in my hands. Lorna went to get her charger in her car and get it parked properly. We were all happy again and continued playing.

She was back soon after, with a friend, Jack Daniel’s, and a glass.

You should have seen the excitement on her face as she said that the shots were on her. If it were back in the day, most of us sitting there would have had one hell of a weekend.

But instead, one of us told Lorna that we do not take the spirit because we are full of the Holy Spirit. What happened after this was remarkable, confusing, and overwhelmingly great. Lorna took a seat and broke down into tears as she told us that she had been looking for a way to make her relationship right with the Lord. She knew that her mother had been praying for her for a long time. She just didn’t know how to start the journey. Lorna was such a broken soul. She had been looking for the bandages like the bottle, but they only cut deeper into her wounds.

By this time, we had all dropped our cards and focused on Lorna.

I could relate to Lorna. Not so long ago, I was the person using the bottle to suppress my feelings. Those times I would feel so hopeless, so buried in my sadness, that no one could hear my huge cry for help, as much as I tried to call out. Many times, I dressed scantily because I felt no sense of worth in myself. Many times, I put on layers of make-up to cover my emotions and get attention.

I just needed someone to pay some attention. I wanted someone to listen to my frustrations, someone to hold my hand and tell me, “Everything bad that has happened to you is not your fault.” Someone whisper in my ear that I am great, that I am gifted, that there is so much worth in me, and that the universe pauses to take in the fresh breath of my many ideas because I am brilliant. I needed someone to affirm and reaffirm all my childhood dreams because they had been very much crushed.

That voice wasn’t present in my circle. Listening to Lorna made me shatter and cringe inside as I wondered about other vulnerable people out there losing out on the most important years of their lives due to the lack of that right voice around them. Many people think that drugs will give them some sort of comfort. They hope that somehow the drug will take away all the pain. Others don’t abuse drugs, but they try to cover up with ‘good’ actions and altruistic deeds to find some sort of justification.

There are those who get addicted to the game and even find a hobby in gambling as a coping mechanism for how they feel inside. These are just some of the few things that young people will consume themselves with so that they avoid getting in touch with their real feelings. It is a tragedy.

I want to be bold enough to come to terms with how I feel and look for healthy ways to deal with negative emotions. I want to be that voice of truth to the next teenager before they murder their whole household. I want to be the person who inspires courage and truth instead of tearing down and destroying that which hasn’t been molded.

Until I can see less sad, sadistic, selfish, evil, and uncaring messages in the media, I will not stop spreading the truth using my voice.